I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
