she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
