you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This baby is an asshole
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
