My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
