your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We won't sleep together?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
