I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
