Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
