dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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