I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
