My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i think my mom watched the whole time
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
