You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
