I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
