no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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