Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
