Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize