she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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