just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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