Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
