apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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