OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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