I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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