need another drink. this is the easiest way
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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