I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
