She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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