I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
