I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
