The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
