I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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