It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
