Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
