so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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