Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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