Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
