I'll bet she douches with gravy.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
