the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
