She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
