do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
