I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
