Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
