so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
