you guys were way drunker than both of me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
