Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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