we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
