i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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