no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
