I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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