Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
