You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Did I show you my penis last night?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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