My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
