the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize