We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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