The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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