Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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