My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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