I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
