I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
