i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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