I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize