Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
