I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
