I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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