so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
