He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
