How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
