Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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