so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
