i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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