Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
