Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
