my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize