my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I want her autograph on my taint
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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