Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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