It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
