Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
