Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
