Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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