i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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