I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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