smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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