I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
love makes seman taste better
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
