exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
