I think my vagina is haunted
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She's the barista slut.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
