I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
