I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just had sex on a roof
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
