He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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