i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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