You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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