LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
