I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
