I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
is wine microwaveable?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
